Never underestimate the power of YOU. Beware the way you perceive and talk about yourself. You are your biggest propaganda machine. Gas yourself up to get shit done, it’s your blockbuster movie, go be the hero 🦸♂️ or villain 🦹♂️ [it’s your choice but depending on what side you play both are pretty much subjective to a degree].
There was a short exchange after a presentation about my podcast that I thought was interesting to share. It’s not word for for but elaborated on the short conversation -well question and answer. Speaking from experience, as I do regarding all things on this podcast and in my writings, I had to go through a process where I had to look deep into myself in order to address my insecurities and self-esteem issues over the course of some years. I then opened up and spoke to a few people I trusted, made piece with some of the art I had made and once I had identified what were the causes of my crippling self-esteem, I was able to move forward.
☎️ : 0800YOFAM, what’s Good?
👥 : I hear what you’re saying but what about the people who have low self esteem and don’t believe in themselves?
☎️ : Change the way you think.
👥 : It‘s not that simple, people have so much complexes.
☎️ : Be honest with yourself and get to the origins of your low self esteem and insecurities. Open up and talk to someone you trust.
👥 : It all sounds too easy.
☎️ : Just because it sounds easy and straight forward, doesn’t mean your journey to transform wouldn’t be full of complexities and hardships.
I identified that my lack of organisation, planning and focus affected my self-esteem in a number of ways; I was always left with ideas and works in progress, I had an imbalance of the research and creation competencies but lacked project management, execution and decisiveness to see something through to the end. These didn’t just affect my creative process and fulfillment but were also affecting areas of my life aswel, my mental obstacles were all self imposed, I just hated implementing change as I was comfortable with cycles.
At the start of 2019 after opening up to my partner about how I was really feeling, as it was often an internal battle I fought alone, I managed to get to the root causes and begin creating a bitesize routing. I began to use the Productivity Planner she had got me to write lists of things I should be doing day to day which I then review over the next few days until I refined it to the most important tasks. I then began going to the gym and creating a routine, reading, using duolinguo -which then became 12wks of learning Español on a fast track course at IH London, and going to bed at 10pm. Over time I noticed changes in the way I thought and felt, I actively took control of my health and controlled my diabetes much better as my results had improved. I became open in regards to a treatment plan and met with my Dr. to begin taking medication to coincide with the changes I was making, met with the Pharmaceutical specialist to discuss my medication and then the Diabetic specialist who for the first time created a development plan for me giving me something to work towards, which is working out for the best as I finally feel that I have a supportive network of medical professionals that care about my progress.
I was very much a bury my head in the sand type of person someone who would do all the research and aquire the knowledge but not implement it to go further. It was my biggest problem in life so no wonder I felt under utilised in my work and creative life. I also realised that I was coy and one of the biggest barriers was not putting myself out there and letting people know what I was doing, working on or capable of doing. That all changed when I started doing this podcast, I created a platform where I breathed life into the words I had wrote and my thought process, people began to enter my world as I started letting go of the restraints I had placed myself under. All that led to me releasing 0800YOFAM -an actual album, which showcases me and my art at its most vunerable and that came to be released out of writing a list, being decisive enough to sit down at my desk and get all the tracks finalised in a matter of hours.
Nowadays I feel like anything is possible after releasing that album. I hid my work away for years but when I receive messages from friends regarding how they connected with it, that gives me reassurance to continue and also braving through the lack of response when you share your album and it literally gets no response. I’m no longer embarassed about the lack of engagement, I just roll on and do my thing because to me I know the journey I took to get to this point where I can share and talk about my art and self without cringing or downplaying my achievements.
It all starts with YOU. That’s my process in realtime. I didn’t say it was ever easy but speaking from experience the solution is simple, how much are you willing to change -are you will to turn yourself into a research project and allocate 8mths to reversing destructive thought patterns and becoming your best possible self?