Stench Offensive

Since my car has been in the garage, having been afflicted with all types of ailments, I’ve been riding the bus to work. Some journeys are better than others, sometimes I get to sit down with no one sitting next to me and other times someone sits next to me with that smell… I have no idea what the smell is but dependant on who it is, it could smell like a combination of moth balls, fish, fry up, stale rice noodles and dry shit. Words can’t begin to describe my discomfort, especially when I have to crack a window and it’s freezing outside.

I’m not being discriminatory in the slightest but I’ve began to attribute particular fragrances to particular cultures and ethnicities, as weird as it sounds it’s the truth. Some ethnicities and cultures use particular types of fragrance, incense and cook particular foods -native to them. But then again some people just smell rotten, I mean really rotten and whether it’s down to not bathing for several days or the lack of deodorant or washing their garments is unknown. I really don’t know how some people have the audacity to invade your personal space with their odours: whether it be body odour, their breath: a combination of decaying bacteria and seaweed or that smell that no one can describe…

You know that stench that no one else can describe but it makes you bulk because you can’t seem to put a name to it: like I really can’t add anything more because this isn’t a blog about specifics, I just can’t deal with it. I’ve gotten to the point in life that when I’m walking I seem to hold my breath when walking past anyone who seems like they’ll cause damage to my nostrils.

Has someone’s body odour ever burnt your nostrils?

Well I have and it weren’t nice as I didn’t expect it. That’s right, I think it’ll be a great idea to start a band of vigilantes called the Stench Offensive who’ll extinguish any offending smells when you dial 666. They can even come through with some religious iconography too as all these abysmal smells are just erm just like well you know [refuse to swear so bear with me as I think of a great word to end this -or just pretend that this is it].

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