I’ve got a healthy obsession for change.
It’s all I can think about.
It’s building my rocket ship to takeoff.
It’s exercising patience to have enough fuel to complete the journey.
It’s mapping a route through asteroid belts and allowing the gravitational pull between the planet and the moon to propel the trip.
Speed isn’t the issue, it’s focus, determination and dedication to see it through to the end.
It’s balancing all the resources to cover the trip and keep us alive once we arrive and sow our seeds to reap the benefits of the first harvest.
It’s a punt into the unknown, it’s a bet on our future, it’s not so much about colonisation but discovery, it’s wondering what life is like outside.
This healthy obsession of mine is what happens when you’ve run out of tolerance for everything around you; the noises, the voices, the personalities, the conflicts, the forever retreating into the confines of your padded cell to shut yourself off from all the distortion, getting caught in a sinking sandpit of toxicity.
It’s my last ditch attempt at sanity and having peace of mind.
I want to leave, I have to leave, I’ve outgrown what life is here.
I’ve outgrown the conflicts, the battles, remaining impartial in such a toxic environment, living in a shack on the no mans land between three fronts.
I’ve endured much.
I may not say it but on the inside I’m deteriorating.
I’ve reached the point where I can no longer retreat inwards, I’ve completely shutdown to the point where I can no longer muster or string together a sentence.
I need to get out of this sunken place as I’m no longer comfortable here.
Home is no longer where my heart is, my heart and mind seek inner piece elsewhere; a quieter and peaceful place, far away from all I’ve ever known.
I guess my healthy obsession is about finding a new place to call home, which I can comfortably call my own.
A place where I can be myself, sow my seeds and reap the rewards of my hard work.
On an expedition of inner peace and self discovery you don’t tend to miss the old you, environment or what once was.
Nostalgia neither comforts or consoles but plays a part in your own demise as you feel comfortable to the point where you can box yourself in behind the illusion of high walls constructed by your hyperreal memories which select which bits they choose to play back to you and the bits that didn’t reach the edit are too hurtful to relive.
They weren’t really your mates, they didn’t have your best interests at heart, they didn’t even consider you when they acted, it was all done for self through counterfeit motives so don’t even feel bad for disappearing, just do you and do what’s best for you.
Pour your energy and resources into your relationship, future life and stay adulting.
All set to go?
Destination locked, loaded and focused?
Alright let’s do this, time to take off.