I tried to change my barber

I’m not very fond of making [some] changes, especially when it’s something personal such as a barber. For men, a barber puts the icing on the man, a barber separates man from nature -i.e looking like a hairy neanderthal. I can send a text or make a telephone call to schedule appointments with my barber to avoid waiting around in a shop for hours. I’ve been a loyal client for what must be about 5/6 years, every other week for a full on hair cut and other times a shape up. I have no idea how I found myself in such an awkward circumstance but here goes…

So it was a gloomy Thursday morning and knowing the bank holiday weekend was on its way I decided that I needed a haircut. I texted my barber on Wednesday evening and booked an appoint for 10am the following day. I can’t recall what I was doing the night before, think I was messing with my drum maschine until the earlier, but long story short I arrived late. It transpired that I couldn’t sit and wait a few people to get a trim so I set out to get a haircut elsewhere. My mate Mix recommended his barber so I thought why not?

I drove from Lewisham to Brockley, parked the car, walked into the shop and sat down. There was no acknowledgement, I don’t think anyone noticed that I had walked in as the barber to my right was in deep conversation about buying land in Jamaica, the barber directly in front of me was in deep concentration cutting someone’s hair who was on the phone, and the two guys sitting down in the corner were talking about a career in accounting. I felt pretty awkward at this point so I got out my phone and check what hadn’t needed to be checked such as the health app etc. Every time I’ve started joined a barbers client list it’s been through introduction, you know you go there with a brother or a friend and begin a business relationship. The reason why I was probably so lost is because the first thing on the tip of my tongue was

Hello sir, a good friend of mine recommended your shop as having some of the best barbers in all the land. Are you taking on any new clients?

So let’s get this correct because I would like to clarify that I’m slap bang in the middle of the old Brockley, with mandem, not the new Brockley with the folks who commuted here via the extension of London Overground following redevelopment and rising property prices in Hoxton, and I’m on the cusp of making a formal speech to join a new clubhouse. Not only that but I would of asked about scheduling appointments and if one thing I know about unprofessional barbers, they pretty much turn up and leave whenever they want. So imagine that

Do you provide a premium service whereby someone can call or send an SMS to book a slot?

Coming to meric gif

Jaws would of dropped like a lead balloon in the sky with adlibs such as “yu bludclaaart” and “fam…” Should there of been any British mandem inside the building. I guess sometimes it’s all about the time and place do something because this struck me and a place for mandem ‘mandem’ rather than a place for man like me. Follow?

The more I figured that this was a bad idea. These new barbers would have to learn my haircut and shapeup preference, there’d be new rates to pay and then what happens when I end up making a return to my old barber?

Try explaining where you’ve been the past 6-12mths and why your hair is not touching the bottom of your back. I can just imagine it now…

Khalid, in the last 6-12mths I haven’t seen you, your hair hasn’t grown one bit.

The more I sat there and though about this stuff is the more I was like, I need to reschedule because the prospect of starting a business relationship with no prior consultation is a fairly odd one. I learnt that the moral of the story in this case is to arrive on time but before that remember to set an alarm before you go to bed.

So after sitting for what felt like an hour (five minutes actually) I dialled a random number and made my cliché “I’m on the phone so don’t try to engage me when I’m walking through the door and straight to my car” exit.

Let me know your thoughts or whether you’ve had a similar experience.

*Update: my barber stopped taking my calls after I started growing my hair and told him that it’s likely I’d never cut it. A year or so after I don’t even need to go to the barbers because it suits my look and I’m saving quite alot of money so meh 🤷‍♂️

Originally published on WHTVRINNIT.

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